


wow.

by angryjane



Series: @realspidey [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: BAMF Michelle Jones, BAMF Pepper Potts, BAMF Shuri (Marvel), Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Confused Steve Rogers, First Dates, First Kiss, Flash Thompson Redemption, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Michelle Jones Is a Good Bro, Michelle Jones is a Little Shit, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter is a Little Shit, Protective Tony Stark, Short, Social Media, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Twitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-01-12 13:20:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18447398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angryjane/pseuds/angryjane
Summary: Flash and Peter go on a date....





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> sorry this is short and shitty; i'll come back and rewrite it later sorry sorry
> 
> UHH READ THE FIRST PART BEFORE READING THIS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya!!!!!! pls read the first one before this!!!! then proceed!!!!!
> 
> this used to be 8 separate fics but i combined them!!!!!!! !!!!!!! !!!!!!!! so u might've read them before aodjznfkldo's;fjnbvcl;
> 
> all ur wonderful comments were lost in the transfer :(

“Flash, can I, uh, talk to you?”

Peter’s nervous, leaning over his desk, face red and eyes averted. It’s cute. He’s already wearing a too-big sweater and his hair’s a mess. Flash raises an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, what’s up?” _Be casual, be casual,_ he chants in his head, watching as Peter shuffles his feet and twitches a little in his seat. The rest of the class has filed out for lunch; it’s just the two of them. Who knows where Mr. Harrington got off to. (Flash doesn’t mind though. He likes having Peter alone. Easier to admire.)

“So, uh.” Peter starts, stops, takes a breath, “I was wondering, if you maybe. Wanted,” Another shaky breath, what is he so nervous about? “To go to the movie with me? Tomorrow night?”

Oh.

_Oh._

Peter’s fidgeting more than ever now, hands burying themselves in his sleeves. He’s red as fuck, and it’s goddamn adorable

“Yeah,” Flash breathes, leaning a little closer, smiling like a fucking fool, “Yeah, I’d like that. How’s eight sound?”

Peter freezes, looking up like a deer caught in the headlights, disbelief all over his (adorable) face. “You would? You want to?”

“Yeah.”

“Flash, I meant like, a, you know…” Flash raises his eyebrows again, and Peter stutters “I meant a date.”

“I know.”

“You… you are okay with that? You want to go on a date-- with me?” Peter looks downright _giddy_ , and honestly, Flash can relater.

“Yeah, parker. I really fucking do. That a problem?” Ah yes, the teasing He doesn’t know how else to talk to Peter.  
“Eight.”

“Eight.”

“I’ll see you then.” And just like that, Parker’s darting out of the classroom and into the hall, and is that a giggle trailing after him?

God.

 

 

In hindsight, the suit may have been a little much.

Flash was just _really_ excited. He’d had a crush on Peter since, what/ Sixth grade? That’s a long-ass time.

So, sue him, he was gonna go all out.

He met Peter in Central Park. Peter, as per usual, looked downright adorable in a button up and jeans, hands stuffed in his pockets, looking up at the stupid fucking trees. It made a pretty picture even to Flash’s untrained eye.

“Parker.” He greeted, coming up behind Peter, who jumped.

“H-Hi.” _God, so fucking cute._ Peter’s staring, and maybe the suit _was_ too much, maybe he didn’t like it, maybe it was stupid, was this another prank? What was—“You lok nice.” Peter breathes, and Flash almost _dies_ on the spot.

“You too, Peter. Adorable.” Why did he say that out loud? That wasn’t smooth! “Got a plan, or are we just gonna stand here.”

“R-right.” Peter stands up straighter, shoulders setting an determination. ”This way.”

He marches off, and Flash dumbly follows. (Honestly, Flash finds himself dumbly following this boy _way_ too often.

Not that he’s complaining.)

 

 

Dinner is oddly comfortable.

Peter takes him to some tiny pizza place in an alley, which looks dingy from the outside but is actually cozy and comfy. They share a pizza, which Peter eats most of.

(“Super appetite for a superhero, huh?” Flash’d commented, to which peter had sheepishly stuttered an apology, making Flash laugh harder.)

Then came the fun part… Peter took him to the _roof_.

(“Hop on.” He’d said, crouching in front of Flash expectantly. “The Parker Express is ready to leave the station.” He was such a fucking dork.)

And now here they were, feet dangling off the edge of the rooftop, Peter leaned comfortably into Flash’s side.

“This was nice,” Peter sighs, and Flash gives a little hum of agreement. Peter continues, “everything’s been so hectic lately, with my identity and all, and I just. I like this. Being calm with you.”

“I’m sorry it’s been stressful for you,” Flash tries, but he feels like a fish out of water here. Comfort has never been his thing.

“ ‘S not your fault. I’m just a little tired and stressed and… this is nice, is all.” And then Peter’s looking at him with those big brown eyes, smiling all shy-like and adorable, and _god_ , how dare he? Legally, Flash just _has_ to kiss him, and—

Peter kisses him first.

Flash is dead.

 

 

_April 13 th 9:02 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

Due to personal reasons, i have a (real) boyfriend now and i am so HAPPY!!! **_@flashthompson_** uwu uwu

 

_9:03 am_

**betty brant** _@bettybrant02_

**_@realspidey @peterparker @flashthompson_** wait what do u mean, real?? It wasn’t before?? Bitch excuse ME?!?!

 

_9:04 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

Whoops….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okey have a nice day
> 
> OH and join the disaster discord!!! https://discord.gg/vSWEE9S


	2. only a flesh wound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively titled: Bone Hurting Juice™
> 
> OR  
> peter gets stabbed

_April 17 th, 2019 2:01 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

What do u call a fake noodle

 

_2:02 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

An impasta

 

_2:03 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

Hahahahahaha dnjkfslg;

 

_2:04 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

In unrelated news, i may have been stabbed.

 

_2:04 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** WHAT?!?! Where are you?!?!

 

_2:05 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

look outside your bedroom window

 

_11:32 am_

**becca bumblebutt** _@becca258w3_

uhhhh any updates on spidey? is he okay? I’m worried i feel like a mom

 

_11:33 am_

**MMMM WHACHA SAYYYYYY** _@monkeymansbananahams_

Yeah, how’s my favorite memekid????

 

_11:33 am_

**snottie lottie is a thottie** _@i-love-lottie-person-09_

press f to pay respects

 

_11:34 am_

**McDonalds** _@mcdonalds_

F

 

_11:34 am_

BuzzFeed News

Fffff

 

_11:34 am_

**antidisestablishmentarianism™** _@anti-shmanti-panties_

f

 

_11:35 am_

**yunk** _@funkmonkey_

f

 

_11:35 am_

**#1 Spidey Fan I’LL FIGHT U** _@SpiderManStan_

f f f f f

 

_11:36 am_

**Taco Bell** _@tacobell_

F

 

_11:36 am_

**yeet yeet my feet** _@yeetymeatyfeety_

ffffff

 

_11:36 am_

**Donkey Kong Says Trans Rights** _@donkeykongsaystransrights_

F

 

_11:36 am_

**Miles Morales** _@milesmorales_

F

 

 

_2:11 pm_

**Bruce Banner**   _@drbrucebanner_

[picture]

 

_2:11 pm_

**Bruce Banner**   _@drbrucebanner_

[picture]

 

_2:12 pm_

**Bruce Banner**   _@drbrucebanner_

[picture]

 

_2:12 pm_

**Bruce Banner**   _@drbrucebanner_

[picture]

 

_2:13 pm_

**Bruce Banner**   _@drbrucebanner_

Don’t worry guys, the kid’s fine, see??

 

_2:14 pm_

**blinky blinky** _@blink183_

**_@drbrucebanner_**  who’s MIT hoodie is that? peter’s in high school

 

_2:15 pm_

**Bruce Banner**   _@drbrucebanner_

 ** _@blink183_** It’s Tony’s. The kid sleeps in it.

 

_2:15 pm_

**lajfdskg;ka** _@lhkzfdjg;llfgl_

**_@drbrucebanner_** he looks adorable!! Is that tony’s shoulder he’s asleep on???

 

_2:16 pm_

**Bruce Banner**   _@drbrucebanner_

 ** _@kadfsjhlgj;_**  Yes. No one tell Tony I posted that; I’ll never hear the end of it. He likes to pretend he’s all hard and uncaring, but he’s a marshmallow. I really admire the guy.

 

_2:16 pm_

**one sip and i’m slorped** _@sippiehippie_

**_@drbrucebanner_** you’re a marshmallow too, bruce!!!

 

_2:17 pm_

**Bruce Banner**   _@drbrucebanner_

 ** _@sippiehippie_** Thanks, I guess??

 

 

_4:20 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

i lived bitch.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wanna talk about spidey with some real Cool Kids™???? join the disaster discord!!!! https://discord.gg/vSWEE9S


	3. this house is a nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the avengers are a happy family

_April 25 th 9:27 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

[video attached]

 

[The video opens on Peter’s face, close up and smiling. He’s tucking the camera somewhere, and when he’s satisfied with it, he moves out of the way to reveal a polished kitchen. It’s empty.

For a second, it’s just the empty kitchen, and Peter sitting in in, until Clint Barton walks in, a Nerf gun in hand.

“Pete!” He says, and Peter does a mock-salute. “There you are! I need you on my team.”

“Team?”

“Nat and I are in a war. And she’s got Bucky on her side, so that’s me against two super assassins. I need you, squirt.” His eyes are pleading. “Please? You wouldn’t let your Uncle Clint die like this, would you?”

Peter crosses his arms and grins. “Maybe so.”

Clint looks scandalized, and opens his mouth to retort, but an orange pellet hits him square in the chest. He gasps, clutching a hand to his chest and falling to his knees in faux dramatics.

“Pete…. Peter…. Avenge me….” He coughs, then lays flat on the floor, tongue lolling out and eyes clinched shut. For a spy, he really is a bad actor.

Peter giggles, and ducks as another bullet comes flying his way.

The video cuts, to the same kitchen, from the same spot, but it’s darker outside and the kitchen is full of life now.

Wanda is laying flat on the counter, legs swinging off the side and chatting idly with Nat, who’s leaned on her elbows over her, feeding her grapes. Vision is helping Steve cook, shoving his hand right through the refrigerator door and handing the super soldier lettuce and tomatoes. Bucky and Clint are having a thumb war; Tony, Bruce, Shuri, and Peter are arguing about something at the table; and Pepper is reading on the barstool beside Wanda and Nat.

“Mister Stark, that’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said-“

“_You know I’ve said dumber things, Pete-“

”It’s true, he has-“

“Stark is quite stupid-“

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Does your royal highness think I’m-“

“Language, Tones.” Steve calls over from the stove, where he’s hunched over a frying pan. Vision, ever intrigued with human activity, is leaning over his shoulder and watching attentively.

“I’m a grown adult, I do what I want-“ He stops when Pepper looks up over her book to give him a glare “- With Pepper’s permission.”

Peter snorts.

“Oh, shut it. Spiderbabies don’t get to laugh at their fathers.”

Shuri laughs at that, poking Peter in the side.

“Nat! Help me defend my spider rights!”

Natasha looks up from Wanda, “Spiders don’t listen to Starks,” She says, then goes back to her grapes.

“Ha! Nat’s word is law!” Peter giggles, jabbing a finger out at tony. Tony scrunches hs nose and whacks it away.

“That’s true, it is.” Clint pipes up from where he’s now having a staring contest with Bucky, having lost the thumb war. Sam comes in then, taking a seat beside Clint.

“Sup, losers.” He says. Neither of them look at him. He grins, leaning over and flicking Bucky on the forehead.

Bucky blinks.

“Son of a bitch-“

“Language!”

The video cuts out.]

 

 

_9:32 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

[video attached]

 

[Nat and Wanda are on the couch, curled up together. There’s a movie playing, and Wanda has fallen asleep on Nat’s shoulder. She leans down to drop a kiss on her forehead, tucking the blanket closer around them.

The video cuts to Steve doing a crossword puzzle at the table, the feed shaky in Peter’s hands.

“A three letter word that means ‘your one and only’? What even..” He’s mumbling.

Bucky, who’s sitting beside him, plants his chin on Steve’s shoulder, replying, “But Steve is five letters.”

Cap tilts his had, confused for a moment, before his face erupts into red. “Buck!”

It changes again, to Clint and Sam in the living room. The others are scattered around on the floor below them, and they are holding microphones.

“This one goes out to Nat.” Clint says, and Tony whistles.

The music starts.

Clint clears his throat and begins: “Summer lovin’, had me a blast.”

Sam joins, holding back a grin, “Summer lovin’, happened so fast…”

“Summer days, wasting away, to uh-oh,” Clint does a dramatic hip-shake to the beat, “those summer nights.” He turns his microphone out at his audience.

The others oblige—“Wella wella wella-“

It cuts again, to Pepper and Tony, just looking at each other across the table. It’s quiet. Neither of them say anything.

They’re both smiling.

The video cuts to Peter, putting his fingers over his lips in a shushing movement before turning the camera the other way. The Avengers are sprawled around the room, curled up in blankets. There’s a pillow fort constructed around them, and they’re all asleep.

“I love my family.” Peter whispers, then he giggles.

The video cuts out.]

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come chit chat!!!! https://discord.gg/vSWEE9S
> 
> have a wonderful day: drink the blood of your enemies through a curly straw. best served chilled


	4. sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows

_3:08 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

HE’S Here

 

_3:09 am_

**PinkyBinkyBinch** _@pinkeyesandthickthighs_

**_@realspidey_**  babes what?? who’s where??

 

_3:09 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

DAD JUST GOT BACK FROM HIS HOSPITAL STAY IN WAKANDA

 

_3:09 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

HE'S HERE HE'S HERE HE'S HERE HE'S H E R E

 

_3:10 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

[image attached]

 

_3:10 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

jbdfnkmlvs,a;'fl,mnbfkmal,;

 

_3:11 am_

**Jebbica** _@jessica-dinters-05432_

**_@realspidey_** oh my god!!! yay!!!  **#irondad**

_3:12 am_

**VaVaVagina** _@vanessavagina_

**_@realspidey_** difsNAGDLJFSM I'M SO HAPPY FOR U  **#irondad**

_3:13 am_

**EEEEEEric** _@eric-fingerless-glove-01_

**_@realspidey_** awwww  **#irondad**

\-----

 

_9:27 am_

**Pepper Potts** _@pepperstark_

[video attached]

 

[Tony is sitting on an expensive-looking couch, asleep. Peter is curled in his arms, snoring softly. Light filters in from high windows bhind them.

They are both peaceful, breathing evenly and faces relaxed.

Tony's fingers tighten in Peter's shirt in his sleep, and Peter shuffles to push closer to his mentor.

There's a giggle, and then a small girl comes out of nowhere and lands on the pile.

"Daddy! Peter! Wake up!"

Tony is slow to wake, but Peter's already sitting up straight, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes confusedly.

Morgan ins leanign over him, grinning widely. "Wake up wake up wake up!" She houts, gripping onto Tony's ear to lean in and yell at him enthusiastically, "Mommy made pancakes and she made Iron Man faces in them!"

"Well, we can't miss those now can we?" Peter asks, smiling riht back at her. She nods in agreement, flinging herself onto hi sback. He grunts, but catches her easily.

"Gimme a ride!" Morgan demands, adn he laughs.

"As you wish, m'lady."

He starts off in th eother direction, going off screen, Morgan's giggles trailing behind. The camera pans to Tony, who is watching with a soft smile.

"Pepper," He breathes, "Those are our  _kids_."

"I know, Tony. I know."

The video cuts.]

 

\-----

 

_9:29 am_

**loser™** _@lalaloser_

bitCH MY HEART  **#irondad**

\----

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u can't hide forever uwu   
> https://discord.gg/vSWEE9S


	5. endgame

_June 7, 2019   3:16 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

i am the pretty guardian who fights for love and for justice

 

_3:17 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

i am spiderman

 

_3:18 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

and in the name of spiders everywhere, i'll punish u!

 

_3:18 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realpsidey_** shut up, peter

 

_3:19 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_**  ur not my dad!

 

_3:20 pm_

**Nat** _@BlackWidow_

**_@realspidey @daddystark_** yes he is

 

_3:20 pm_

**Cap**   _@steverogers_

 ** _@realspidey @daddystark_**  Yes, he is.

 

_3:21 pm_

**God Of Mischief** _@lokiodinson_

**_@realspidey @daddystark_**  yes he is

 

_3:21 pm_

**Bruce** _@drbrucebanner_

**_@realspidey @daddystark_**  Sorry Pete, but he kind of is....

 

_3:22 pm_

**FALCON IS THE BEST AVENGER FIGHT ME BUCKY** _@samwilson_

**_@realspidey @daddystark_**  yeah he is

 

_3:23 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

guuuuuuuuuuuuuysssss

 

_3:24 pm_

**Bucky** _@buckybarnes_

**_@realspidey_**  it's true, kid

 

_3:26 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

:(

 

_3:27 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

but like he's not actually tho

 

_3:27 pm_

**Bucky** _@buckybarnes_

**_@realspidey_** wdym

 

_3:28 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

like,,,, i'm not a stark guys

 

_3:29 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** excuse me?

 

_3:30 pm_

**Iron Dad**   _@daddystark_

 ** _@realspidey_**  bold of you to assume i won't adopt you on the spot

 

_3:30 pm_

**Nat**   _@BalckWidow_

 ** _@daddystark_**  no balls

 

_3:31 pm_

**Scarlett Witch!!** _@wandamaximoff_

**_@daddystark_**  No balls

 

_3:32 pm_

**Pepper Potts** _@pepperpotts_

**_@daddystark_  **Bet.

 

_3:33 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

done.

 

_3:34 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

wait what

 

_3:35 pm_

**FALCON IS THE BEST AVENGER FIGHT ME BUCKY**   _@samwilson_

 ** _@daddystark_**  receipts or it didn't happen.

 

_3:36 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

wait a second

 

_3:37 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

[photo attached] i won't hesitate, bitch

 

_3:38 pm_

**Bruce**   _@drbrucebanner_

 ** _@daddystark_**  Tony, why did you just happen to have filled-out adoption papers for Peter on hand?

 

_3:39 pm_

**Iron Dad**   _@daddystark_

.... no comment

 

**\--------**

_3:41 pm_

**Nat > Adults**

**Nat:**  he really... did that.

 **Cap:**  He did.

 **Bucky:**  finally

 **Rhodey:**  for once i'm proud of tony's decisions

 **Nat:**  finally

 **Cap:**  This is a good step for him.

 **Bucky:**  i agree

 **Bruce:**  :')

 **Nat:** bruce stop using emoticons use emojis like a normal person

 **Bruce:**  How?

 **Nat:**  sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ears ring and teeth click and ears ring and teeth click and ears ring and teeth click and ears ring and teeth click and ears ring and teeth click and ears
> 
>  
> 
> https://discord.gg/vSWEE9S


	6. u are my daaaaaad

_June 9 2:16 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

apparently i have a dad now.

 

_2:17 pm_

**Good Vibes**   _@gigigoodvibes_

oh, please. don't act like he wasn't your dad before

 

_2:18 pm_

**Bruce** _@drbrucebanner_

**_@gigigoodvibes_**  has a point. Tony's always been your dad. Since day one.

 

_2:19 pm_

**hit me with that gay shit** _@dont-miss-me-with-that-gay-shit_

**_@drbrucebanner_** do u have any good irondad stories??? eyes emoji

 

_2:20 pm_

**let's go lesbeans** _@inconvieniced-lesbian-02_

**_@drbrucebanner_**  eyes emoji

 

_2:21 pm_

**donkeh** _@shrekisloveshrekislife_

**_@drbrucebanner_  **eyes emoji

 

_2:21 pm_

**spidey stan to the max** _@spideypleasesteponme_

**_@drbrucebanner_**  eyes emoji

 

_2:22 pm_

**Bruce** _@drbrucebanner_

I suppose i have a few stories, if you really want to hear them.

 

_2:23 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@drbrucebanner_**  don't you fucking dare

 

_2:23 pm_

**Cap** _@steverogers_

**_@daddystark_**  Language, Tony.

 

_2:24 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@steverogers_**  you cant tell me what to do

 

_2:25 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@steverogers @daddystark_**  yeah, only pepper can do that

 

_2:26 pm_

**Meme Princess**   _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@steverogers @daddystark @realspidey_** or peter. we all know stark has a soft spot for peter.

 

_2:27 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

i feel. attacked.

 

_2:28 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

this is biphobia.

 

_2:29 pm_

**YumYumInMyTum**   _@hungry-hungry-hippos_

**_@daddystark_**  how so?

 

_2:30 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@hungry-hungry-hippo_** i'm bisexual and you're upsetting me

 

_2:30 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** rt

 

_2:31 pm_

**Nat** _@blackwidow_

like father, like son.

 

_2:32 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@blackwidow_** >:P

 

_2:33 pm_

**Bucky**   _@buckybarnes_

oh look, the spiderbaby's angry. like a little puppy.

 

_2:34 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

fuck u,  ** _@buckybarnes_**

****

_2:34 pm_

**Nat**   _@blackwidow_

**_@realspidey_** but that's  ** _@steverogers_**  job

 

_2:35 pm_

**Cap**   _@steverogers_

Nat!

 

_2:35 pm_

**King of the Gays** _@dracoisgay_

dsbjnkfaflmbjnfvkmlvafjnkbm

 

_2:36 pm_

**Grapes Dont Have Rights** _@thanoscansuckmydick_

wait but  ** _@drbrucebanner_**  i wanna hear irondad stories

 

_2:37 pm_

**Ugly Duckling™**   _@jesssssssssica26703_

pleaseeeeeeeee

 

_2:37 pm_

**Bruce**   _@drbrucebanner_

Alright.

 

_2:38 pm_

**Bruce**   _@drbrucebanner_

One day, a few years back at this point,  ** _@daddystark_** storms into my lab looking really miffed. And I'm like, "Buddy, what's wrong?" Because he's my friend and I care about him, y'know?

 

_2:38 pm_

**Bruce**   _@drbrucebanner_

And he sits on one of the lab tables and puts his head in his hands and just sits there quietly for a while, before he looks at me really tiredly and says, "He's fifteen. He quoted a meme at me."

 

_2:39 pm_

**Bruce**   _@drbrucebanner_

And I had no idea what he was talking about,but I'm trying to be a good friend here, so I just nod sympathetically and pat his shoulder. I didn't really know what to say, so I was like, "That's rough, buddy."

 

_2:40 pm_

**Bruce**   _@drbrucebanner_

And then I asked him, "Who's fifteen?" and he sighs, and he's like, "The spiderkid. he's fifteen, and he can stop a bus with his bare hands. What am I gonna do with him?"

 

_2:41 pm_

**Bruce**   _@drbrucebanner_

It's kinda funny, really, since he'd only met the kid once and had already decided he had to parent mentor the kid.

 

_2:41 pm_

**binchie** _@itsbritneybinch_

what a legend #irondad

 

_2:42 pm_

**tony stark is a bottom change my mind** _@bottomsuptonystaark_

we stan a father figure #irondad

 

_2:42 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@drbrucebanner_**  your dead to me

 

_2:43 pm_

**Bruce**   _@drbrucebanner_

**_@daddystark_**  *you're

 

_2:44 pm_

**Call Me Claire** _@claireajkdflsdngk_

dshfjblvksdavjnl kvmckav

 

_2:45 pm_

**Bruce**   _@drbrucebanner_

There's also all the times Tony has driven across the city to pick the kid up from school. He always pretends he was ~in the area~

 

_2:46 pm_

**Bruce**   _@drbrucebanner_

He's a total PTA dad, too. He single-handedly funds every extra curricular in that school, regardless of whether Peter's in it or not.

 

 

_2:47 pm_

**Bruce**   _@drbrucebanner_

He always refers to  ** _@realspidey_** and baby Morgan as "his kids" and Morgan calls Peter her brother all the time.

 

_2:48 pm_

**Iron Dad**   _@daddystark_

**_@drbrucebanner_** your out of the will

 

_2:49 pm_

**Bruce**   _@drbrucebanner_

**_@daddystark_**  *you're

 

_2:50 pm_

**Bruce**   _@drbrucebanner_

#irondad

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LALALALALALLALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA  
> https://discord.gg/vSWEE9S  
> sakdjbhksodijvnbdc;jnkv d;cojk i'''m gonna lose it


	7. gender, tweets, and other things

_3:26 am_

**MJestic > Parker**

**MJestic:**  peter

 **MJestic**  peter

 **MJestic**  parker

 **MJestic**  ....

 **MJestic** : nvmd

 **Parker:**  nono wait i'm up

 **Parker:**  what's up mj?

 **MJestic:**  it's stupid

 **Parker:**  mj, you're never stupid

 **Parker:**  you're the smartest person i know

 **Parker:**  and i know tony stark

 **Parker:**  so it's not dumb

 **Parker:**  you've been quieter than usual lately, are you okay?

 **Parker:**  u know u can always talk to me mj

 **MJestic:**  peter

 **MJestic:**  peter you absolute nightmare i,, really care about you

 **Parker:**  i really care about you too michelle

 **Parker:**  so do u wanna talk about it?

 **MJestic:**  .....

 **MJestic:**  okay.

 **MJestic:**  it's just.

 **MJestic:**  i've always know performative femininity was bullshit, but like.

 **MJestic:**  i think maybe some of that wasn't me fighting the patriarchy, part of it was just me fighting being a girl

 **MJestic:**  i'm just.

 **MJestic:** i dunno. is there even another option?

 **MJestic:**  cause i'm definitely not a boy but like.... am i a girl?

 **Parker:**  mj

 **Parker:**  ur the most amazing most capable person i know

 **Parker:**  u can be anything u wanna be

 **Parker:**  be a girl, be a boy, be nonbinary, be half-girl if u want

 **Parker:**  just be u

 **Parker:**  we'll all love u either way

 **MJestic:**  ...

 **MJestic:**.... you are surprisingly good at this

 **Parker:**  :)

 **Parker:**  fight crime, do science, be a good emotional support.... damn what CAN'T i do?

 **MJestic:**  beat me in smash

 **Parker:**  .....

 **Parker:**  fair point

 **Parker:**  i still demand a rematch tho

 **MJestic:**  u wish, parker

 **MJestic:**  now go to sleep.

 **Parker:**  u too.

 **Parker:**  goodnight, mj

 **MJestic:**  technically it's morning.

 **Parker:**  oh hush

 **Parker:**  love u mj

 **MJestic:**....

 **MJestic:**  love u too, u dork.

 

\----------

 

_June 12 6:06 pm_

**MJ™** _@michellejones_

From now on, I will be using either they/them or she/her, decided on a daily or momentarl basis.

 

_6:07 pm_

**Spidey**   _@realspidey_

 ** _@michellejones_**  u got it bb!!!! how would u like us to call u today??

 

_6:08 pm_

**MJ™** _@michellejones_

**_@realspidey_**  they/them, please.

 

_6:09 pm_

**hacker extrodinaire**   _@nedleeds_

 ** _@michellejones_**  u got it!!!! uwu uwu

 

_6:10 pm_

**MJ™** _@michellejones_

**_@nedleeds_**  if you ever "uwu" me again, i'll break your pinkie fingers

 

_6:10 pm_

**hacker extrodinaire**   _@nedleeds_

but  ** _@michellejones_**  peter does it to you all the time

 

_6:11 pm_

**MJ™** _@michellejones_

**_@nedleeds_**  yeah, but that's peter. i expect better from you, ned.

 

_6:12 pm_

**hacker extrodinaire** _@nedleeds_

haha  ** _@realspidey_**  get naenaed

 

_6:13 pm_

**Spidey**   _@realspidey_

 ** _@nedleeds_**  fuck u

 

_6:14 pm_

**fastest man alive**   _@flashthompson_

wait but  ** _@realspidey_**  i'm ur bf shouldn't u be fucking ME, not leeds???

 

_6:15 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@flashthompson_**  sadjfkldmjfndsvjnsbkmlavd;skamvnjfkbjdml

 

_6:16 pm_

**rocknroll** _@rockandrollicking_

SPIDEY KEYSMASHED

 

_6:17 pm_

**beckie** _@beckeroni_

he's one of us!!!!

 

_6:18 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@beckeroni_**  one of who??

 

_6:19 pm_

**beckie** _@beckeroni_

**_@realspidey_**  one of the gays.

 

_6:20 pm_

**Spidey**   _@realspidey_

 ** _@beckeroni_**  oh. well, DUH.

 

_6:21 pm_

**THE Pepper Potts**   _@pepperpotts_

anyway,  ** _@michellejones_**  I'm so happy to hear this! You're still my amazing assistant and partner in crime, and I'll make sure everyone honors your gender identity!

 

_6:22 pm_

**MJ™** _@michellejones_

**_@pepperpotts_**  thank you, pepper. i would die for you.

 

_6:23 pm_

**THE Pepper Potts**   _@pepperpotts_

 ** _@michellejones_**  Not today you won't.

 

_6:23 pm_

**Spidey**   _@realspidey_

dasfobajndkomafjbnjkdl'm;a

 

_6:22 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

we STAN  ** _@pepperpotts_**

_6:23 pm_

**MJ™** _@michellejones_

**_@realspidey_**  we really. do.

 

_6:23 pm_

**Iron Dad**   _@daddystark_

 ** _@michellejones @realspidey_**  Mood.

 

_6:24 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

dI;OANJBEV;KDSLa'okpfjnvajbfnak'sdlSKAVFJNSG;

 

_6:25 pm_

**gay agenda™** _@lgbtqchronicles_

one of us. one of us. ONE OF US ONE OF U--

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :') https://discord.gg/vSWEE9S come chat


	8. snapped

_10:02 pm_

**Spidey**   _@realspidey_

 ** _@steverogers_** hey mr. steve rogers captain america sir, will you please refresh your twitter sir please mister captain sir

 

_10:03 pm_

**Cap**   _@steverogers_

 ** _@realspidey_**  Sure thing, son.

 

_10:05_

**America's Ass**   _@captainthicc_

 ** _@realspidey_**  Change it back.

 

_10:05 pm_

**don't look at me** _@i-have-no-eye-holes_

wdkoape'fmsfonbjklmfd';apkodfkmqdfa,lsa,kf'mbng

 

_10:06 pm_

**god can't hear u** _@deafpplruletheworld_

LMAOOOOOOOOO

 

_10:07 pm_

**Iron Dad**   _@daddystark_

 ** _@captainthicc_** haha get fucked

 

_10:08 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

by bucky

 

_10:09 pm_

**iron Dad**   _@daddystark_

 ** _@realspidey_**  zip it, kid.

 

_10:10 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@captainthicc_**  he's right tho. that IS america's ass

 

_10:10 pm_

**America's Ass**   _@captainthicc_

 ** _@daddystark_**  Thank you, Tony.

 

_10:11 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

eww dads stop

 

_10:12 pm_

**Simone®** _@simon-du-blonc_

hmmm u know what i wonder  ** _@flashthompson @realspidey_**

****

_10:12 pm_

**Spiderman's Real Boyfriend!** _@flashthompson_

**_@simon-du-blonc_**  what's up

 

_10:12 pm_

**Simone**   _@simon-du-blonc_

 ** _@realspidey @flashthompson_**  ..... who's the top and who's the bottom

 

_10:13 pm_

**Iron Dad**   _@daddystark_

  1. NO.



 

_10:13 pm_

**Iron Dad**   _@daddystark_

THis line of questioning is discontinued this is over no more don't talk about my son like that

 

_10:13 pm_

**Spidey**   _@realspidey_

 ** _@daddystark_**  awwwwwww mister stark u'r no fun

 

_10:14 pm_

**jeeeeeesus take the wheeeeel** _@drunk-dripin_

awwww :(

 

_10:15 pm_

**bi bi bi** _@bisexual-chicken-gal_

NOOOOOOOOO

 

_10:16 pm_

**dickin chickin** _@chickiedickie_

but i wanna knowwwwwww

 

_10:17 pm_

**BuzzFeed News**   _@buzzfeednews_

Is Spiderman a top or a bottom? Take the [poll!](https://madisonch.typeform.com/to/f2bjW9) 

 

_10:18 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

wait no,,,, avengers,,,, assemble,,,, pLEASE

 

_10:19 pm_

**Bruce**   _@drbrucebanner_

hi um maybe?? don't sexualize the kid. a big corporation doesn't need to benefit off of a sixteen year old's sexuality please and thanks

 

_10:20 pm_

**Meme Princess**   _@shuriofwakanda_

Yeah  ** _@buzzfeednews_**  stop that shit this instant. it's one thing when all u adults talk about steve but another when it turns to a minor. yeah peter and mj and ned and flash and i will joke around about it, and so will other younger (read: OUR AGE) users, but not adults, and certainly not a bs corporation. in this essay i will--

 

_10:21 pm_

**Nat**   _@blackwidow_

 ** _@buzzfeednews_**  back the fuck off. he's a babey.

 

_10:22 pm_

**Spidey**   _@realspidey_

 ** _@blackwidow_**  not a BABEYS. but still. a minor.

 

_10:23 pm_

**Bucky**   _@wintersoldier_

 ** _@realspidey_**  peter you are a babey.

 

_10:24 pm_

**Spidey**   _@realspidey_

>:(

 

_10:25 pm_

**MJ™** _@michellejones_

like upsetting a puppy....

 

 **MJ™**   _@michellejones_

seriously tho, if anyone over 18 says word about peter's sex life i'll cut ur dick/vagina off

 

_10:25 pm_

**Ned**   _@nedleeds_

 ** _@michellejones_**  how do you cut a vagina..... off?????

 

_10:26 pm_

**MJ™**   _@michellejones_

 ** _@nedleeds_**  a good magician never tells their secrets

 

_10:27 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

hhhHHHH

 

_10:28 pm_

**Iron Dad**   _@daddystark_

tl,dr: don't fuck (with) my son

 

_10:29 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

mmm but if u'r like sixteen idc

 

_10:29 pm_

**Meme Princess**   _@shuriofwakanda_

wait  ** _@realspidey_**  peter,, spidey,,, honey,,, babey,,,, did u just say "u'r" .... like with an apostrophe and shit??? that's CURSED

 

_10:30 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@shuriofwakanda_**  let me live!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://discord.gg/vSWEE9S


	9. let's mcfreaking lose it

_June 25_ _th_ _3:14 pm_  

 **Iron Dad**    _@daddystark_  

 ** _@_** ** _realspidey_**  care to tell me why my  maguna  just told me I'm no longer her favorite avenger?  

 

 _4:16 pm_  

 **Spidey**    _@realspidey_  

 ** _@daddystark_**  …..whoops  

 

 _4:17 pm_  

 **Iron Dad** _@daddystark_  

 ** _@_** ** _realspidey_**  blocked and reported.   

 

 _4:18 pm_  

 **Spidey**    _@realspidey_  

 ** _@_** ** _daddystark_**  stop saying that, it’s not cool  

 

 _4:19 pm_  

 **Iron Dad**    _@daddystark_  

 ** _@_** ** _realspidey_**  blasphemy. Are you telling my daughter I'm not cool? Is that why  spiderman  is suddenly her favorite????  

 

 _4:20 pm_  

 **Spidey**    _@_ _realspidey_  

 ** _@_** ** _daddystark_**  1)  haha  it’s  4:20 lmao  2)  bc  it’s true. I'm superior  

 

 _4:21 pm_  

 **Iron Dad** _@daddystark_  

…..  

 

 _4:32 pm_  

 **Stark Industries Official** _@starkindustriesofficial_  

Mr. Stark is currently mourning a loss and will not be on twitter in the coming hours. Please leave him be.  

 

 _4:53 pm_  

 **Pepper Potts**    _@pepperpotts_  

Please ignore the recent tweet put out by our PR department.   ** _@_** ** _daddystark_**  is just upset his son is cooler than him. That is all.  

 

 _4:54 pm_  

 **Iron Dad**    _@_ _daddystark_  

 ** _@_** ** _pepperpotts_**  I can’t believe you’ve done this  

 

 _4:55 pm_  

 **Spidey**    _@_ _realspidey_  

gasp!!!!!  

 

 _4:56 pm_  

 **Spidey**    _@realspidey_  

 ** _@_** ** _daddystark_**  did you just... make a vine reference??  

 

 _4:57 pm_  

 **Iron Dad**    _@daddystark_  

 ** _@_** ** _realspidey_**   ….. maybe so.  

 

 _4:58 pm_  

 **Spidey**    _@realspidey_  

 ** _@_** ** _realspidey_**  is this allowed??  

 

 _4:59 pm_  

 **Spidey**    _@realspidey_  

and he made a vine reference  

 

 _5:00 pm_  

 **Ned** _@nedleeds_  

 ** _@_** ** _realspidey_**  … oh my god he made a vine reference  

 

 _5:01 pm_  

 **Spidey**    _@realspidey_  

 ** _@nedleeds_**  marry me  

 

 _5:02 pm_  

 **MJ™**    _@michellejones_  

 ** _@nedleeds_**   no balls. u won’t   

 

 _5:03 pm_  

 **Ned** _@nedleeds_  

 ** _@michellejones_**  bet  

 

 _5:04 pm_  

 **Flash**    _@flashthompson_  

wait I'm his boyfriend what about me????  

 

 _5:05 pm_  

 **Ned**    _@nedleeds_  

 ** _@flashthompson_**  my city now  

 

 _5:05 pm_  

 **MJ™**    _@michellejones_  

 ** _@flashthompson_**  get naenaed  

 

 _5:06 pm_  

 **Spidey**    _@realspidey_  

 ** _@_** ** _flashthompson_**  sorry babe but I'd marry   ** _@_** ** _nedleeds_**  in a heart beat  

 

 _5:06 pm_  

 **Spidey**    _@realspidey_  

 ** _@_** ** _nedleeds_** ** _@_** ** _flahsthompson_**  I won’t hesitate, bitch  

 

 _5:07 pm_  

 **Flash**    _@flashthompson_  

 ** _@_** ** _realspidey_**  damn... steal my spine like that  

 

 _7:14 pm_  

 **Pepper Potts**    _@pepperpotts_  

Anyway. I took the liberty of making this, to settle things once and for all:  [https://madisonch.typeform.com/to/xqR5bf ](https://madisonch.typeform.com/to/xqR5bf) 

 

 _7:15 pm_  

 **Pepper Potts**    _@_ _pepperpotts_  

….Even  though we all know who’s coolest.  

 

 _7:16 pm_  

 **Iron Dad**    _@daddystark_  

 ** _@_** ** _pepperpotts_**  it’s me, right?  

 

 _7:17 pm_  

 **Pepper Potts**    _@pepperpotts_  

 ** _@_** ** _daddystark_**   …..  Sure, honey.  

 

 _7:18 pm_  

 **Stark Industries Official** _@starkindustriesofficial_  

F.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooooohhhhhhhhhh whoaaaaaa oh  
> PWEH PWEH PWEH PWEH PWEH  
> ooooooooohHHHHHH hoho oh oh  
> https://discord.gg/vSWEE9S


	10. she awakens

 

_3:46 am_  

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_  

**_@_** ** _daddystark_** ** _@_** ** _realspidey_**  hi excuse me but wat the fuck  

 

_3:47 am_  

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_  

**_@_** ** _daddystark_** ** _@_** ** _realspidey_**  I'm mad that I missed tony stark’s first vine  

 

_3:48 am_  

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_  

**_@_** ** _daddystark_** ** _@_** ** _realspidey_** I feel  lik e a mother who missed her child’s first steps   

 

_3:49 am_  

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_  

**_@_** ** _daddystark_** ** _@_** ** _realspidey_**  there are actual  tears  in my eyes  

 

_4:06 am_  

**King T’Challa**    _@blackpanther_  

**_@daddystark_**  Why is my sister crying on the floor?? Pease  explain .  

Sincerely,   

T’Challa  

 

_4:07 am_  

**Iron Dad**    _@_ _daddystark_  

**_@_** ** _shuriofwakanda_** ** _@_** ** _blackpanther_**  why are you blowing my phone up I just got  morgan  to go back to sleep   

_4:09 pm_  

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_  

**_@_** ** _daddystark_**  it’s noon here idiot  

 

_4:10 am_  

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_  

Also   ** _@_** ** _blackpanther_** I don’t need you to defend me brother  

 

_4:11 am_  

**Pepper Potts**    _@pepperpotts_  

**_@_** ** _daddystark_**  what do you mean, you /just/ got Morgan to sleep? Tony, it’s four in the morning.  

 

_4:12 am_  

**Iron Dad**    _@daddystark_  

**_@_** ** _pepperpotts_**  I'd like to see /you/ deny her juice pops all night  

 

_4:13 am_  

**Pepper Potts**    _@pepperpotts_  

**_@_** ** _daddystark_**  ALL night?? You're dead.  

 

_4:14 am_  

**Iron Dad**    _@daddystark_  

Fuck.  

 

_4:15 am_  

**Spidey** _@_ _realspidey_  

rip   ** _@_** ** _daddystark_**    

 

_4:16 am_  

**Spidey** _@realspidey_  

Also   ** _@_** ** _daddystark_**  how many times  do I have  to tell u!!!! We  don’t  say  the fuck word!!!!  

 

_4:17 am_  

**Iron Dad**    _@daddystark_  

**@realspidey**  you little shit--  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHTY THAT"S IT KIDS  
> time to move on to the main course: #spiderdad!!!!!!!
> 
> wanna talk about spiderman? wanna be cool? come join the disaster discord!!!!! https://discord.gg/vSWEE9S

**Author's Note:**

> yeah anyway i'll fix it later
> 
> have a nice day!!!
> 
> comments would be lovely!!!!!


End file.
